


The Silly Little Girl and the Dirty Old Man

by infinitumetultra



Series: Chop and Change [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, Self-Pity, i know that title is harsh, just trust me, killer cupcakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitumetultra/pseuds/infinitumetultra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SHIELD Agents have moments when they're not the brightest crayons in the box. As long as it's not during office hours, no one really says anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Silly Little Girl and the Dirty Old Man

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! Really, it was uplifting. Onto this insert, it is not what I really expected. I'm not sure how I feel about it, really, but here it is anyway. Not prompted, but still relevant. (I know how the title sounds, relax, it's okay.)

There had been a file in Darcy's head labeled 'Neither of You Have Gotten Laid in a While' where she put all the sexually tensified moments her and Phil had at the very beginning of their work relationship. They were small things like lingering eyes and underhanded comments. It wasn't until they moved into Stark Tower that she changed the file to 'He Hasn't Gotten Laid in a While and You Have it Bad.'

  
She was a confident person. She thought she was a solid eight, and there was a lot she could do with that. She was smart, and resourseful and dedicated. Her body wasn't Black Widow status but she had a nice ass and really nice tits and she could make that work if she needed to. Darcy knew she wasn't a superhero, and she wasn't a spy or at a genius level of intelligence but she had a pretty good amount to offer. She was also young and she still had time to learn and grow. Darcy had a good self-esteem, and she had accepted who she was (flaws and all) a long time ago.

  
That didn't mean that she could believe Phil Coulson would actually want her. He was established, competent, actually a super spy and dedicated to a job that dealt with a bigger picture than most people imagined. She had no doubts that he cared about her, maybe was sexually attracted to her but anything more than that? That was the hope of a silly schoolgirl, and Darcy wasn't that naïve. Phil was a classy, busy, and practical man – ladies like Pepper Potts caught his eye. Darcy was no Pepper Potts, and outside of a work relationship, she knew he didn't have time for whatever feelings she had for him. He also wouldn't risk whatever consequences there were for sleeping with a subordinate and any kind of awkwardness afterwards between them.

  
So she boiled it down to her being pushy, naked at the time and completely pathetic. That was a pretty hard blow to the ego and it made her feel like she was a bad friend...assistant...or whatever combination of those she was to him. Suffce it to say things had been really tense. Darcy spent most of her time in her room if she was in the apartment, most of her free time babysitting Jane and any kind of non-work interaction was short and overly-polite.

  
At work, luckily, things were okay. There was significantly less banter, and they only talked when they needed to but they got their work done. She was feeling like shit, but stuff at SHIELD didn't have time for her severely bruised ego and his discomfiture. It was not hard to see she wasn't feeling like herself. After the incident with AIM she was required to go through some therapy and that was difficult but she was dealing. It was hard getting through that and then all the tension at home – but she had someone to talk to about what happened with AIM. That helped – all she could do was sulk about the monumental fuck-up that came AFTER the incident.

  
It was Tuesday night and she was on her way to Jane's to catch her favourite television show, instead of her and Phil's apartment. Said scientist was buried underneath sheets and sheets of data – her and the Science Bros had hit a bump in the road. Something along the lines of a proper energy source being needed and although they were all working to get around it Jane was scrounging over her results to see if there was some sort of alternative.

  
“What are we watching?” Jane asked distractedly.

  
“You mean, what am I watching. You're going to be glued to those data sheets until the sun comes up.”

  
Jane looked up at the irritated tone and raised her eyebrows, dropping the paper and just staring at her.

  
Darcy realized it and sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Sorry,” she said genuinely. “It's been... a weird couple of weeks.”

  
“Is this about the AIM thing?”

  
Darcy shook her head. “I mean, it doesn't help anything, but I've got someone to talk it out with.” She shrugged. “I dunno. I'm actually doing something to fix my brain with all that stuff, I don't feel so twitchy about it much anymore.”

  
“So what's up?”

  
Darcy sighed. She hadn't told anyone yet, because she was sure Phil wanted her to keep quiet about it. “It's...” she made a motion with her hands, “just stupid emotional stuff.”

  
“Agent Coulson?”

  
“Oh, Agent Coulson is totally fine,” Darcy said with a tone of bitterness. “Today we had conference call with the WSC about funding which was incredibly productive. It's Phil that's the problem.”

  
“Why do you talk about him like he's two different people?” Jane rolled her eyes.

  
“He's different at home than he is at work,” she shrugged. “When he's doing the Agent Coulson thing we just get work done – at home he fidgets and finds excuses to leave whichever room I happen to be in --”

  
“Okay, what the hell happened?” Jane put her papers down forcefully and sat on the couch with Darcy.

  
In response, Darcy sighed trying to put her thoughts together before blurting them out. Usually their conversations had nothing to do with men or their feelings or anything along those lines. They had them, sure, but they were both the type of people to keep their problems to themselves. It only ever came out if it was really bothering them – like if Jane's boytoy happened to disappear to another dimension or in this case if Darcy had sex with her boss whom she had been harboring feelings for. All in all, it took a moment to get either of them going when these conversations started.

  
“We had sex.”

  
Jane's eyes almost flew off her face, but she responded calmly. “Well, that explains the weirdness at home.”

  
“Yeah,” Darcy snorted.

  
“What happened?”

  
“That entire day was just one thing right after another,” she shrugged. “One minute I was taking notes at a meeting, the next I was pulling myself off the floor and shooting a guy to death and then we got home and --”

  
“And you were feeling guilty and scared and he took advantage of that?”

  
“No,” Darcy said. “That is definitely not what happened. The guilt and the scared part, yes, and I was probably vulnerable but he didn't take advantage.” Jane's responding silence made her suddenly defensive. “Look, he was holding back, okay? I was in nothing but a towel and all over his face and he still had the self-control to keep his hands to himself. I got pushy... I wanted to hit it and if anyone took advantage it was me.”

  
“Okay,” Jane said slowly. “So apologize. Ask Ms. Potts to put you in another suite. Fix it.”

  
Darcy took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

  
“I mean, you said at work everything's fine, right?”

  
“We get things done, yeah.”

  
“So there you go.” Jane shrugged. “You have pretty stressful jobs. Being in your own home should be relaxing, not making the anxiety levels worse.”

  
“You're right.”

  
“I know.” Jane made a face. “Sorry I don't have more to offer. I'm not good at this.”

  
Darcy smiled a little. “Go back to your data... I've got a show to catch.”

* * *

  
Phil was going to get home late. Very late and that didn't bode well for him. That past two weeks had been dreadful at home; they were only a little better at work seeing as everything got done and not every interaction with his assistant was riddled with a tense atmosphere. He had learned to take the little blessings and hold onto them in his job. That Darcy was so competent despite whatever was happening between them made him grateful.

  
But she had sent him a text saying she needed to talk to him after work and he was very late. He wasn't avoiding her this time around – there was an honest to God impromptu meeting with Fury about trying to fix up negotiations with some diplomats from the World Security Counsel. He couldn't get out of it, but it just looked like he was trying to sidestep her like he had since they had slept together.

  
It was childish and everytime he walked away from her without trying to begin resolving it he felt like an idiot – but he couldn't help the immense amount of guilt that told him to just stay away from her so as not to ruin anything else . Phil hated that he was late, and was worried about the conversation about to happen if she was even still awake – but he wasn't going to just keep running forever. Eventually they would have to fix this and the sooner the better.

  
When he walked into the apartment he had barely any time to think before something flew at his face. Phil ducked, and was ready to fight his way out of whatever was happening but it was just Darcy standing there with her arms crossed and glaring at him. He turned to see what exactly she had thrown and sure enough there was a cupcake on the ground with a trail of frosting from where it had hit the door and bounced onto the ground.

  
“Seriously? It's two in the morning. What the hell, Phil?”

  
“Darcy --”

  
“No! I am not going to kill you, I'm trying to have a conversation!”

  
“All evidence points to the contrary,” Phil glanced at the cupcake.

  
“Shut up, G-Man, I was going to talk this out with you like grown ups, and this is how you respond? Jesus Christ, how can you of all people be that afraid of confrontation?!”

  
“There was a last minute meeting with Director Fury I couldn't get out of,” Phil said. “I wasn't trying to avoid you.”

  
“What about?” For a moment she went into Agent mode.

  
“WSC diplomats, he wants to start up meetings again.”

  
“Are they going to go for it after what happened with AIM?” She asked.

  
“We're going to find out soon.” Phil said.

  
“Right.” Darcy nodded.

  
“I wasn't trying to avoid you.” Phil repeated.

  
“Not tonight, anyway.”

  
“Right.”

  
Her eyes clenched shut and she took a deep breath. “Phil this is... such a mess and I'm sorry. I really, really am. And I under--”

  
“You're sorry?”

  
“Yes,” Darcy said ernestly,“I am.”

  
“Why are you sorry?”

  
“Because I took advantage of whatever fondness you may have had for me before. I was being selfish and I was all messed up in the head and I was naked and I definitely used that to my advantage.” She was rambling now, mostly thinking aloud rather than trying to have a conversation.

  
“You're sorry you took advantage... of me?”

  
“That's what I just said,” she frowned. “You felt bad for me and you were looking out for me and I totally... look I screwed up, but I am trying to fix it because I – I really care about you and neither of us can keep living here trying to avoid each other. It just makes both our lives harder and neither of us have the time for that so I'm gonna talk to Pepper and ask her to put me in my own suite. I thought I could handle living here with you without screwing it all up but I couldn't so...” Darcy had nothing more so she just shrugged and bit her lip.

  
Phil stared at her hard for a long time.

  
“Please say something.”

  
“I'm trying to find a polite response.”

  
Darcy's eyebrows shot up. “I've had enough politeness from you, thanks.”

  
“I didn't feel bad for you.” Phil said vehemently. “I just... couldn't … “ He sighed. “Darcy, I'm the one who should be apologizing. You were vulnerable and I should have known better.”

  
“That's why I'm apologizing, Phil, you wouldn't have let yourself go like that if I hadn't pushed so damn hard.” Darcy said.

  
“You weren't thinking straight, and I--”

  
“Please don't tell me how I was thinking,” she said, tiredly. “I was in a bad place, sure, but I wanted you and I... have wanted you for a while – you kissed me and I took it way too far.”

  
“So,” Phil rubbed at his face a little. “What I'm getting from this is that we've both been blaming ourselves for taking advantage of the other?”

  
“You're really not at your sharpest right now, are you?” Darcy smiled a little.

  
“It's been a rough couple of weeks.”

  
“Tell me about it.”

  
Phil snorted and tiredly moved to sit at the dining room table. Darcy followed suite and bit her lip as she stared at her fingernails. It was quiet for a long time and the silence was heavy. It felt good to get it out there, but this wasn't a resolution. She wanted to say something but something held her back, and he was just sitting there, slouched in his seat a little. At least this was actually Phil and not just Agent Coulson sitting with her.

  
“Why would I feel bad for you?”

  
Without a beat she blurted,“because I'm a stupid little girl who obviously has a huge thing for my debonair boss and had to do big girl things that I couldn't really handle.” Darcy reminded herself not to bottle everything up anymore... the mouth diahrreah that resulted afterwards was humiliating.

  
Another tense silence. “And I'm a dirty old man who has incredibly inappropriate feelings for my vivacious assistant.” They were finally looking at each other and he added seriously. “You handled the attack just fine, Darcy.”

  
“Thanks.” She said quietly and then swallowed hard. “I should still talk to Pepper about my own place.”

  
“If you don't want it to happen again, it won't.” Phil said seriously. He really didn't want her to leave their apartment.

  
“I do want it to happen again,” Darcy told him with a humorless laugh. “I want it to happen all the time, but that's not the problem.”

  
“What is the problem?”

  
“I want more than that, too,” she said pathetically. “Being around you at work is okay, I can handle that. We can't screw each other again and I can't be around you all the time outside of work after this – it's not... just sex for me and I need to get over it. I need space.”

  
Phil folded his hands in front of him and frowned at her for a long time.

  
Eventually Darcy got tired of that. “Do you want me to say more, because I have nothing. Honestly, I'm laying down all the cards here, Phil.”

  
“Do you want to get dinner sometime?”

  
Darcy blinked a couple of times. “What?”

  
“I'm asking you out to dinner.”

  
“Like...dinner-dinner? Like a date?” She asked.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Am I missing something?”

  
“Those inappropriate feelings of mine crossed the purely sexual boundary quite a while ago.” Phil admitted with a rueful smile.

  
“Oh.” She said, looking shocked. “I warned you about me and boundries.” She said without thinking.

  
“Yes, you did,” Phil looked amused.

  
Darcy smiled through a blush.

  
“So?” Phil fidgeted a little. “Dinner?”

  
“Oh! Yes.” Darcy grinned a little. “Yeah, yeah that's um... good. Yes.”

  
Phil grinned back at her and she felt her stomach flutter a little. They talked a little more, set a date and some ground rules. Around four-thirty she yawned and they decided the rest of the conversation could wait. Darcy kissed him on the lips and flounced off to her room biting her lip to keep from grinning to wide. Phil cleaned the cupcake off the floor and told himself he was too old to get butterflies in his stomach over a simple kiss and the promise of a date. It didn't work – but he tried anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> So, just another note. I really wanted to show why both of them were hesitant about a relationship and what happened between them. Competent and confident people are allowed to have self-doubt too sometimes!


End file.
